100 Horse Puns & One Trick Jokes From The Horse’s Mouth

If you are after some hilarious horse puns, then you have come to the right place.

Once you start reading you’ll be saddled with jokes before you know it!

We will prove we aren’t just a one-trick pony with this list of so many puns, jokes and memes.

These jokes are loved by foals and colts, stallions and mares alike – don’t believe us?

Just ask them and hear it straight from the horse’s mouth!

Okay, we’ll try to rein it in a bit now and quit horsing around, before we make a foal of ourselves…

Best 10 Horse Puns

1. What do you call a horse with money in the bank? Financially stable!
2. How do you calm down an impatient jockey? Tell him to hold his horses!
3. Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it!
4. Why could the pony gallop really fast? It had a strong horsepower engine!
5. What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world? A globe-trotter!
6. When does a horse talk? Whinney wants to!
7. What does a horse buy from a bakery? Thorough-bread!
8. What is a horse’s favorite TV show? Neighbors!
9. What do you give a horse with a sore throat? Cough stirrup!
10. What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!

Funny Horse Puns

• What do racehorses eat? Fast food!
• Who helps ponies possessed by demons? An ex-horse-ist!
• A man got a tip on a racehorse called Cigarette… But he didn’t have enough money tobacca!
• What is a horse’s favorite Queen song? Crazy Little Thing Colt Love!
• What is another name for an assistant stable cleaner? A co-pile-it!
• How did the jockey communicate with the horse? He laid his cards on the stable!
• Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because Bad News travels fast!



• No one liked the new horse on the farm… They all thought he was going to stirrup trouble!
• Why was the pony a great journalist? Because she always found things out straight from the horse’s mouth!
• Why was the bronco asked to leave the bar? Because he only had one buck!
• Why is it hard to talk to a race horse? They don’t stand around furlong!
• Which side of the horse has the most hair? The outside!
• What do you call a noisy horse? A herd animal!



• Why did the horse wake up crying? She had a night-mare!
• Why did the horse run away from the wedding chapel? He got colt feet!
• What did the horse say when it fell down? Help, I can’t giddyup!
• What is a horse’s favorite sport? Stable tennis!
• What do you call a horse with no clothes? Neigh-kid!
• Did you find my horse well-behaved? When we came to the fence, he let me over first!
• What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!

Horse Memes

List Of 75+ Horse Puns and Jokes

1. Why was the horse spontaneous? He always did things in the spur of the moment!
2. Did you see the pony’s new boyfriend? He was a stud!
3. What happened to the man who owned a riding academy? His business kept falling off!
4. Why did the teacher tell off the horse? Because he was foaling around!
5. Where do newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!
6. What did the waiter say to the horse? ‘I can’t take your order, that’s not my stable’!



7. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet!
8. What is the slowest horse in the world? A clotheshorse!
9. What is a horse’s favorite song? Watch me whip… watch me neigh neigh!
10. You should be aware of black beauty… She’s a dark horse!
11. What do horses see before thunder? Lightning colts!
12. Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings? Because he wanted to mount an exhibit!
13. What did the illegal business do to their horses? Paid them under the stable!



14. How is a horse similar to a letter? They both begin a trip at the post!
15. Why was the horse always in shape? Because he was on a stable diet!
16. How do you root for a horse? You name the horse Radish!
17. What did the beautiful horse say? Maybe it’s neighbelline!
18. A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Hey” … and the horse says, “you read my mind”!
19. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days and leave on Friday? His horse’s name was Friday!
20. Why was the horse kicked off the basketball team? He would foal too much!



21. What did the horse say to his friend that lost a bet? Pony up!
22. What’s the best kind of cheese to use to disguise a small horse? Mascarpone!
23. Why was the horse queen stressed? She was saddled with responsibility!
24. What goes ‘Clip’? A horse with one leg!
25. What is a horse’s favorite JK Rowling book? Harry Trotter and the Hoof-Blood Prince!
26. What did the cannibal pony say? I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse!
27. What did the philosophical horse say? ‘Is the glass hoof full, or hoof empty’!
28. Why does a cowboy ride a horse? Because it’s too heavy to carry!



29. Where does a horse get its hair done? Maine!
30. What did the horse want to do when it grew up? It wanted to join the neigh-vy!
31. A horse walked into a bar and the barman said… “why the long face?!”
32. What duo were famous for stealing horses? Bonnie and Clydesdale!
33. Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!
34. What do horses wrap their food in? Aluminium foal!
35. Why don’t racehorses wear underwear? Because it rides up on them!



36. Did you hear the story of the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of ‘whoa’!
37. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? Because it had bad stable manners!
38. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A poor horse is walking around in his socks!
39. Why did no one want to be friends with the horse? Because he kept bale-ing on everyone!
40. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? Because he always takes offence!
41. What disease is a horse scared to get? Hay fever!



42. When does a vampire like horseracing? When it’s neck and neck!
43. Why is an egg like a young horse? Neither can be used until broken!
44. How long should a horse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground!
45. Did you hear about the racehorse who was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
46. How do you get a horse drunk? Drink him under the stable!
47. What state do horses go to have their babies? Philly!



48. What is black and white and eats by a horse? A zebra!
49. Why did the jockey put a saddle on a loaf of bread? Because it was a crusty seed!
50. Why did the shy horse go behind a tree? To change his jockeys!
51. Why was the horse a good art teacher? He was always trying to harness his pupil’s creativity!
52. Where do you take a sick pony? The horse-pital!



53. Why was the old, lazy and slow horse called Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!
54. Who was the leader of the horses in the USSR? Joseph Stallion!
55. Why was the horse all charged up? Because it ate some haywire!
56. Why don’t horses make good boxers? All they do is hit the hay!
57. Why did the horse have a negative energy? She was always saying neigh!
58. What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
59. How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!



60. What do you call a horse that lives next door to you? A neigh-bor!
61. How did the man try to make horse riding more interesting? By trying to stirrup some interest!
62. Why do ponies make great hosts? They have incredible horse-pitability!
63. I bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1, and it did! Unfortunately, the others came in at 12:30… What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!
64. What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!

Summary

We hope you got a kick out of these horse puns, jokes and memes.

Tell us if you laughed so loud that your voice became a little hoarse.

Before you trot along, leave a comment below telling us which of these horse jokes were your favorites, and also let us know if you have any horse puns of your own.

Perhaps you could send one of these memes to a friend, or even any neighsayers in your life; it’s better than a Trojan horse.